Useless Spells (from rec.games.frp.dnd)

[Kyth]

From: CPEARLMA @drew.drew.edu

THE CRT FEATURE ARTICLE:  SOME OF THE MOST USELESS SPELLS

Compiled by Craig Pearlman



The following spells were compiled from a thread on rec.games.frp.dnd from 

about a month ago.  I take no credit for any of these spells.



Animate Bread



Bigby's Groping Hand

Bigby's Insulting Hand

Bigby's Really Friendly Hand



Charm Friends

Charm Potted Plants

Charm Self

Crass Suggestion



Deeppocket Lint

Delayed Blast Cantrip

Demi-Shadow Puppets

Deny Reality

Detect Self

Detect Detect-Spells

Dimension Doorknob

Drawmij's Instant Coffee



ESPN

Evard's Black Testicles

Extinguish Match (casting time, 5 rounds)



Feign Life

Finger of Near Fatal Injury

Furball



Hallucinatory Train

Heel

Hold Self



Improper Suggestion

Invisibility To Inanimate Objects



Kitchen Sink

Kooshball



Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter

Locate Self (tells you where you are relative to your location)



Magic Sword -- Mage's can't use swords!  And who wants to help the other poor slobs in the party!

Memorize Spell

Mistaken Identify

Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound

Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife

Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito

Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound

Mordenkainen's Bored Cat



Polymorph Mother

Power Word, Noogie

Power Word, Wedgie

Power Word, Pun

Protection From Normal Oxygen

Protection From Elvis, 10' Radius



Remove Nurse (Hello, NURSE!;  for YOU Mike...)

Rice Storm

Rock Summoning I



Shocking Gasp

Soap-On-A-Rope Trick

Solid Frog

Speak With Self

Summon Self



Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder

Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter

Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter

Teleport Without Destination

Tenser's Deadly Resurrection

Tenser's Shocking Suggestion



Walk

Wizard Stain

Wizard Eyebrow

--

Kyth, Officer of Temerity

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